I would give anything to be a man. I can only imagine waking up without doing my hair or slathering my face with makeup every morning only to take it off every evening. Not only is makeup not good for your skin, but it's also extremely expensive.
I spend an hour or more every day getting ready just so I can leave my apartment. On the rare occasions that I decide not to wear makeup or do my hair, I can tell that people want to say to me, "Jesus, make some sort of effort!" But on the days I do make an effort, no one probably even notices, because that is just how a woman is supposed to look.
I am surrounded by blonde, perfect women out here, and for the most part, I am proud that I am neither a stick nor blonde. In the production and management offices in which I have worked thus far in Hollywood, there weren't even enough women with which to compete. The boys club pissed me off but I now have to admit that being a woman in these offices dominated by men was kind of special (of course there were many ways in which it was NOT special - the incessant dick measuring, the assumption that I was stupid because I happened to have a vagina, and of course, the sexual harassment that is still very much ingrained in Hollywood, most especially in these smaller, private companies).
Now that I am on the other side of that equation, I am extremely aware of the amount of women with which I am competing. It's terrifying. And I desperately want to hate them. But I cannot hate them, and instead I hastily transfer that hate into self-hatred, which is both narcissistic and unproductive.
LA can drive you insane if you let it. But my Yankee upbringing shall not be erased. Boo fucking who.
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